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I've put myself in a very precarious position in life....well not necessarily "put myself," but most certainly fallen and have yet to come out. It's a well known fact I hate gay people. And by "hate" I mean try to avoid. Personally I don't like the stereotypical overly flamboyant gay men who act as such because they are so insecure with the fact that they are gay they feel the constant need to radiate gayness so it is never an issue of contention. ( I mean very few people actually are born with a lisp). Why we as a society put SO MUCH emphasis on who you sleep with as a defining characteristic of who you are as a person is stupid. Inherently, I'm attracted to a more bro type of guy.
Never in a million years did I think being attracted to bro's and non stereotypical gay men would lead me to being a half way house for guys teeter tottering from raging homosexual to homophobe extraordinaire (this may be a bit of an exaggeration but you get the point). How did I get here? I myself am not quite sure. In college, I hooked up with someone who everyone thought was straight. From there, it happened a handful of other times with a football player and a Fraternity President. Next thing I knew, I have the gay midas touch and am being called "The Flipper." The game of "flipping" became a staple in my life. With my superb gaydar and god like midas touch, I was an unstoppable force. It was, and is, remarkably crazy.
To say I don't enjoy "flipping" would be a flat out lie. I love it; I relish in it; I thrive on it. But as they say in Once Upon Time, "magic comes with a price" and flipping is no exception. 95% of the relationships I have had have been under the radar. I can't tell you how many times I've had to jump out a window, hide in a closet or be completely shunned by a guy because of a girlfriend or roommate randomly popping up. Let me tell you, after a while, the dog and pony show gets old. With that said, I do understand where these guys are coming from. If you aren't ready to admit you are gay or bi or a vampire, you aren't ready. Although I think its fucking ridiculous you have to "come out," at some point you do have to admit it to yourself.
I'll be the first to admit I have a big mouth and perhaps on occasion happen to say too much. But lets be real for a second. If you think you are going to sleep with a guy and it's never going to get out, you might as well stick your head in the sand while playing hide-and-go-seek at the playground. Typically I'm pretty hush hush about my Brokeback Mountain endeavors, only telling a handful of close friends. Believe me when I say I understand you are trying to figure yourself out. Here is where I have issues, which in turn, result in the world knowing about your homosexual tendencies....
Don't treat me like shit after we hook up or have a "relationship." ( I say "relationship" because anything that involves hiding from girlfriends, friends and family doesn't strike me as the pinnacle of stability.) Some examples being:
1) Lets say we were friends prior to our extracurricular activities. You would know I am a huge flirt and pretty much flirt with anyone in my surrounding area. It's a well known fact. I mean, I've been engaged to a handful of women on Facebook for god sakes. I know how to work it. Next time we are at a party and I happen to throw something salacious your way, I don't need a text or conversation about how it was a "one time thing" or "I'm being super gay" or my personal favorite "you have a weird gay crush on me and it needs to stop."
2) "You are looking at me funny." Actually, dip shit, I'm not. You're the one eye fucking the shit out of me.
3) Being flat out ignored.
4) Pretending like nothing ever happened.
This fucking sucks. It genuinely makes you feel like a shitty person. With in seconds your entire life is invalidated. Everything you've struggled to overcome is instantaneously thrown in your face as a negative and its absolutely not fair. Am I supposed to say I'm sorry for being comfortable with who I am? Am I supposed to say I understand why I am now your chew toy? Am I supposed to go crawl in a hole and hide until you decide its acceptable to be around me?
Fuck no.
The problem here, is in fact, you.
As much as I would love to have the gay midas touch and a plethora of other magical powers, my only ability is to make you feel comfortable with who you are, or at least, think you might become. Granted I may have pushed the boundary once or twice but don't make the villain, make me the friend and ally.
My own personal dealing with this issue got me thinking how tough it might be for straight and gay guys to understand one another. Are straight guys afraid to be mistaken as gay because they go out with a gay friend? Are they afraid a gay friend might fall in love with them? Are gay guys pressured to act differently because they don't want guys to think they are hitting on them or doing something too gay?
I personally think if you are good enough friends none of this should be an issue of contention. But, maybe I'm lucky to have good friends or just stupid for having a naive outlook on life.
The point I'm trying to make with this epic, probably too personal and not very humorous blog post is people should never be afraid of who they are. You should never live your life looking at yourself from someone else's perspective. Closeted guys shouldn't be afraid of figuring themselves out, and flippers should never feel invalidated because they know who they are. A straight friend shouldn't be worried a gay friend is going to try and sleep with them (unless you are friends with me); A gay friend should never be worried about being gay. If issues arise just remember it takes two to tango and both parties need to realize how their actions eaffect the other.
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Being gay is cool. If people find out you are messing around, who cares!? You should be worrying about how to get rich or fend off a North Korean nuclear missiles attack because your friends will still love you no matter who you sleep with(and if they don't, you shouldn't be friends). It's 2013, if you haven't dabbled you aren't living. Plus everyone is gay until proven otherwise ;) - That's a moo point.
